Pre-Deployment Rant

So here we are again. Today is more of a venting day I'm afraid. I hate the fact I'm leaving to go home in two days and I will be leaving my husband, David, behind. He will be here all alone for quite some time due to his deployment being pushed back. I hate that I get to go home and he doesn't. I'll be surrounded by his family and mine, mutual friends and he will still be in California just waiting to be shipped off. I really wanted to see him off but he said it would be better if I didn't because it'll be hard to let go and say goodbye. Its going to be hard enough just dropping me off at the airport!

I haven't been sleeping very well at night lately. We haven't got a bed here and we've been through two air mattresses and finally decided to sleep on the couches. Were literally just a few inches apart but I use to sleep with my feet tangled up in his or something. We always had to be touching for me to fall asleep. Now that he's leaving I can't even imagine what my sleep schedule will be like. I already have a full time job planned out back home with his parents at there gun shop so I'm thankful I will be kept busy, but they live so far out in the boonies with no WiFi or signal I'm terrified I won't ever hear from him hardly unless we go into town. I will get a message and miss him every time or something and he will be busy. I know that every military wife or girlfriend just wants to break down in tears if they miss a call or it gets dropped. In 2011 I was heading to the lake a few days before Christmas to see my grandparents. My brother that I'm very close with called and I should have just slammed the breaks and just talk but I kept driving without even thinking because I was so excited! When I pulled into the drive way I lost signal and I just broke down. I tried calling back and praying he would call again but I didn't hear from him for a real long time. That year he and my cousin were deployed was tough for me and I refused to celebrate Christmas without them so I only went to get togethers for a few minutes and would leave. I couldn't stand them being gone and breaking the tradition we had. I was so thankful and happy when they returned just this last year. When they first returned my brother was having the worst time adjusting and would drink and think he was still suppost to be in Afghan and would look at me with a blank stare and say..."Sis, where's Joey? Where's Brandon? Where are they!" He had little freak outs and I felt so bad. It didn't hit my cousin til a little later and he's become quite the drinker with a bad attitude.

The things they see and go through are unimaginable to a citizen back home. They go through hell and back just to keep us safe and they come home with scars to prove it sometimes. Weather it be emotional or physical. I truly hope everyone supports our troops and sees how important they are to America. My rant will be cut short for now. I hope you all have a blessed day, thanks for reading!