First Deployment

So if it isn't obvious right now, I'm going to be talking about going through a first deployment. I'll vent, tell stories, and carry on as a military spouse, girlfriend, or family member would. We go through a battle while they're gone too. 

I'll start off with a little bit of my relationship history between me and my husband, David. We've known each other since we were kids since his grandparents use to baby sit me on a regular basis. I moved around a lot growing up due to my divorced mother whom I lived with. We met again in high school my sophomore year. He was a junior then. We started dating shortly after meeting again and we lasted 3 years, then after I was out of high school for about a year and him being in California at base, we decided to get hitched! Now here we are almost 7 months down the road and he's about to be deployed. He will be missing important holidays and a couple of birthdays of course. He will miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, his birthday, Valentines day, out first anniversary, and possibly my birthday too. I know when he first told me he was leaving I was distraught and did my best to hold together and not show it. I cried on my own time because I didn't want him to see me in a weak state and think I couldn't handle this. We've already been through so much, nothing can tear us apart...especially this deployment! 

If this is your first deployment too, it looks as if we can learn together and maybe from each other. It is not easy going through this and you will have good days, bad days, and those days where it's just a roller coaster! So the main reason I'm making this blog is to vent a little, help military families go through this tough time, and hopefully learn from everything too. 

First things first! Its a privilege to be let in on details of a deployment. Where they're going, an estimate date of when they will be leaving, when they will come back, and so much more! You need to understand the importance of not sharing that information on facebook, twitter, or even on here. I will keep all of the information confidential on here. Our statuses, emails, and so forth are monitored and can be read by anyone really. Think before you send or click anything! If it gives specific information, DO NOT SEND IT! Pretend as if you were the enemy trying to dig up information on our military men and women and are planning some kind of devious plan. Just be careful what you send, post, or even blog about, please!

Now then, let's talk about pre-deployment. Your still maybe coping with hearing your loved one is leaving and for those of you with kids already, maybe you haven't broken the news to them yet. That's okay. I recently went to a pre-deployment debrief with my husband and it was very helpful! I'm so glad we went and greatful they were willing to do all of that for us. They had papers, booklets, and a slide show with many different speakers so it stayed fresh. I learned a lot that night we went. I'm leaving this weekend actually to move back home and there's still a lot to be done that I didn't even know about! We need to get bank accounts in order, get out of our apartment lease, get TriCare moved to my new area and so much more! I didn't realize how much hard work would have to be put into all of this. Right now, were doing a lot of hurry up and waiting. I'm still dealing with the fact were going to be apart for so long and for those of you who still need to talk to your kids about this deployment, be sure to break it down very easy and slowly for them. At the briefing the other night, there was only one couple who had not yet told their children. Its hard to try and explain to little ones that their mom or dad is leaving. I have no personal experience with this besides having my brother and two cousins go over seas. Hopefully you can find a way to ease into telling them. Anyway, as far as documents go such as birth certificates, shot records, marriage license, and so on, be sure to keep them in a safe place filed away! You never know when your going to need something. 

Deployment: To position (troops) in readiness for combat, as along a front or line. If this is your first deployment, all of this will be a new experience. The first real separation, your soldier missing so much, and naturally being a emotional roller coaster! You have a lot to deal with and to keep up on. So let's get started and break this down bit by bit. 
Some people will choose to stay put on base or in there current home and others will decide to travel home. Me personally I'm going home for a week and then moving in with my in-laws to work for them in just a state over from mine. They have a wonderful gun shop and outdoor range and are expanding rapidly! Anyway, whatever you choose just try your best to be prepared for anything. Have your military ID updated if it needs to be, have important papers near in a safe place, and keep numbers you'll need in your phone. You can get most numbers offline I would imagine but I happen to be lucky enough to have a whole booklet of numbers and names I may need while my husband is deployed! You may need your FRO's number which I didn't have until the other night, but I still don't know him on a personal base. If you don't know already FRO stands for Family Readiness Officer. You may need to speak to them about getting TriCare in another state if your moving from your current location. That's just one example of course, but I don't want to ramble! Another thing you may like to have is the DSTRESS number, which is 1-877-476-7734 and you can also chat with them online as well. They are very friendly and give great advice for days your feeling down or stressed and don't know where to turn to. Another number is the American Red Cross (all branches) 619-542-7400. This is for emergencies and a way to let your deployed soldier know whats going on and it may also get them rushed home if urgent enough and approved by they're higher up. Don't call unless it is absolutely urgent like a death in the family, someone has fallen deathly ill, or a fatal accident such as a car wreck. If you do happen to have to call them make sure you have the following information ready at hand:
Service Member's Full Name
Rank
Branch of Service
Social Security Number
Military Address
It is highly important to know all of this information before hand.

No News is Good News. Keep in mind your soldier will not always have available WiFi and will not call you every single day. When you don't hear from them, do not panic. They're fine and working hard. Like I said WiFi won't always be available. There are many ways to communicate to your soldier without using electronics. Such as writing letters, sending journals back and forth, cards, and of course care packages. Please keep in mind when writing letters, stay positive! Be cheerful, say you miss and love them, keep them updated on positive things going on back home, and maybe even send jokes. Keep in mind they can't see your facial expressions or year the tone your writing in! When sending care packages there are restrictions! Do not send the following:
Alcohol
Batteries
Aerosol Cans
Flammable Liquids (such as lighters)
Obscene Material (porn, dirty magazines, pictures, nude or semi-nude)
Fruits
Pork or Meat Products
Tobacco
Most of those are naturally common sense items, but its always better to be safe than sorry! Also for free packaging materials call USPS. 800-610-8734 (then press 1). 

Emotional days will come and go some days better than others. Its not easy and you never really "get used" to them being gone. During all of this you will go through stages. 
Stage one: typically happens 1-6 weeks before they leave. You will feel tense, sad, frustrated, and try to avoid reality of your soldiers departure. 
Stage two: typically happens the last week before they ship out. You may be angry and have emotional break-offs to prepare for separation. Your just ready for them to leave already so you can miss them. 
Stage three: typically happens 1-6 weeks into the deployment. You feel emotionally disorganized and this can occur when you try to make new routines or feel withdrawn from friends, family, or neighbors. You may feel overwhelmed during this time. 
Stage four: typically happens between weeks 3-5. Your recovering and adapting to your new routines and realize your doing just fine. Your confidence will increase due to the fact your kicking this deployments ass! 
Stage five: typically happens about 6 weeks before your soldiers return. This is where you anticipate their return and probably form a little bit of anxiety. You may feel rushed to get things done such as goals you made to lose weight or stay on a diet before there arrival. 
Stage six: typically happens 1-6 weeks after there return. This is where you have to adjust to there return and adjust your relationship. Everything will not go back to normal straight away if at all. Things will change and you wont pick up where you left off, so be prepared. There may be tension and fighting, however that is normal and to be expected. Communication is the key! 
Stage seven: typically happens 6-12 weeks after there return. By now you have reached a level of stabilization again in your relationship and things return to "normal" for a new normal has been realized.

While your soldier is gone keep busy. For those of you without kids, maybe look into recreational programs like going to the gym, taking up a sport, or volunteering for events. It may help ease away some of that stress work, school, and deployment is causing. Try to stay focused and not lose yourself during this time. Go see friends, family, and have fun. Don't let this get you down, your stronger than this! 

I sincerely hope all of this information has helped you out in some way. If I missed something important you would like to know, please tell me and I'll try and edit it into here! Stay strong, and love your soldier!!